My first born

I got really upset at Nathan today. It was the second day in a row that he woke his brother up from his nap after Daniel had only been asleep for 15 minutes. Daniel doesn't go back to sleep and then of course Nathan never does either. It makes for a long day. I guess I should be use too these little incidents since they have been going on since they were born, but I am not, and it never gets easier for me to deal with these issues. I was angry with Nathan and he knew it. I felt like one of those crazy moms I see yelling at her kids that I have always prided myself in NOT being. Today I was her. I didn't feel better after loosing my temper. In fact nothing is EVER made better when you act out in anger. I feel embarrassed and I am just thankful that children really don't have a long term memory until the age of three. I guess that gives me six more months to become the mother I want to be:)


When my children are older and talking with their spouse or friends or whatever, I want them to be able to say that they never saw their mom yell or scream at them. That she never lost her temper, that she was always sweet and loving, and knew exactly the right way to discipline for every situation, that she was PERFECT!! I know that won't be the case but that can still be what I want. I really just believe in treating your family with respect ALWAYS even when they are being disrespectful.

Tomorrow is another day. I will do better, I will REALLY try. I love my little Nathan and I want to remember all the little things about him that have brought me so much joy. From the moment he was born I knew we were really in for it. I had never heard a baby cry that loud and that HIGH pitched. Even the doctors were amazed. That crying did not stop for the first few months of his life and even after that he was so temperamental about EVERYTHING.....and still is. He is so particular and sensitive about the smallest things and that can cause some stressful times. He didn't smile for the longest time and he was SO hard to get to laugh. He was throwing full on temper tantrums by the age of 6 months. Temper tantrums that included throwing his head back rolling around on the floor screaming and I mean for HOURS at a time. Matthew and Nathan have always had a special bond which I am grateful for because I have always had a harder time understanding Nathans needs.


It didn't take long for us to realize how really special Nathan is. Yes, he can get upset over the smallest things but I have also NEVER in my life seen a child with so much joy and excitement. This child will laugh and play with other children for HOURS. He will squeal in excitement if he sees a hot dog stand on the side of the road(not even knowing what a hot dog is.) He will talk for DAYS about the merry go round at the ZOO. Nathan is so full of life and I love that he doesn't mind showing it, he is ALWAYS trying to be silly and make others laugh. He encourages Daniel to show more excitement as well, because Daniel has been known to be a little too serious at times. Life would be boring without our little Nathan. I am thankful for his fun personality, I am thankful that he is friendly and says "hi" to EVERYONE he sees. I love that he chases his older friends around laughing and giggling the entire time. I love his laugh, his smile, and his magnificent blue eyes. He is so precious and I am proud that he is my first born son.