Feeling inspired........and humbled.

I don't know why it makes me feel better to hear stories about my parents money struggles. Like how my mom would always take a box of Kleenex with her when they would sit down to pay the bills, because it was a traumatic event. Or how she had to make "wheat balls" instead of meatballs because there was no money for meat, or how she had to teach school leaving her only child everyday, in tears (her tears.) I don't know why these stories make me feel better, but they do. Things worked out for them just fine. She was able to quit her job(making a lot of sacrifices) so she could stay home with her kids. They drove old cars, my mom searched the ads, used coupons, and often drove to a few different stores just to get the best deal on groceries(and still does.) Most of our family vacations included long drives and a tent trailer. I never knew my mom and dad to have many hobbies(until they were older.) I never saw my mom buy herself clothing, she wore a lot of the same clothes and really never much shopped for herself. She woke up at 5:15am three days a week to exercise at a local church with some other ladies, for free. She taught preschool most of my life, and tried to use her own money for many things. My parents never went on fancy get aways and have never even been on a cruise. They stayed out of debt, they saved, they helped us through college, sent us on missions, and they made a lot of sacrifices. Now they are able to have the home of their dreams, and they are able to go on some of those fancy vacations. Yet my dad still works and uses that money....instead of retirement money or savings to do things like finish their basement(still doing most of that work on his own.)

So, I have been feeling a need to journal my own thoughts about money and life in general, because I want my children to read this later on when they are most likely going through some of the same situations. I have felt inspired about the person I want to be and the kind of example I want to set for my children.......and I have a lot of work to do.

If we have the money or if we don't, I still want to continuously be working on simplifying my life. I have to come to terms with the fact that right now in my life I can't or maybe just shouldn't be spending money on unneeded things. Matt and I have a problem with wanting to give our children too much. We love to see them light up when we tell them we are going to take them to Boondocks. We love surprising them now and then with a new toy. We would love to take them to movies, and dress them in awesome clothes. But those things won't make them happy. They still don't know that I don't know what I am doing every time I cut their hair. They don't care what they wear as long as it fits, and most importantly they usually laugh and have more fun playing basketball or wrestling with their dad then they ever do going out to eat or playing arcade games at boondocks. I don't think those activities are bad......and I am sure they won't be totally deprived from them, but they have to be special occasions.

Matt and I have given ourselves a $10 date night budget each week. That will no more consist of paying for a babysitter and sitting down to a nice meal at Red Lobster. It will now consist of putting the kids to bed, one of us running out to pick up our 5 dollar footlongs and watching netflix, playing a game, or just talking. This is not out of the ordinary for most couples......but it will be new for us, and I am excited.

We won't be taking our kids to the movies most Saturday's or even buying the rare" happy meal." We will be hiking and exploring when the weather is nice, and camping out in our living room with games and s'mores over the stove, when it's cold. We are making some changes. I know it won't be easy, but I also don't think it will be too hard.

I have decided to give up my dream of a gym membership(for now) and be happy that I live in a beautiful area where most days I can just run outside. I have decided not to feel bad that the last three years of blog books that I have made cannot be ordered now and I will have to really save, for each one. I have decided that "Pinterest" projects will have to be limited to once a month. I have also decided that it is time for me to jump on the couponing band wagon and stop using the excuse that I can only save on things I don't buy anyway, like hamburger helper and fruitsnacks. This realization came after I was humbled watching the lady in front of me at Walmart tell the cashier the sale price of every item of produce she had in her cart. She had ads in her hands from other stores, she had done her homework, figured out the deals and wanted the sale price for all of her items. Her total was low....a lot lower than mine, and I realized I had an obligation to do things better for my family, no matter how annoying the task.

I don't want my kids to think that I am against spending money or having money, because I am not. I think it is great to want wealth, to have dreams, and to work hard to feel secure. I think money can in some sense bring happiness and joy when it is used properly. I just hope that when they look back on their lives they will remember the feelings they had as we were together as a family and not the money we spent or didn't spend on our activities.

We have a lot to work on and learn as a family. We have some changes to make. Life is about wanting to improve, in recognizing weaknesses and using the Lord to make those weaknesses our strengths. I believe that. And someday if my daughter calls me in tears, worried about how she is going to pay her bills, I will be able to comfort her and sympathize with her. And most importantly I hope she will be able to use me as an example of how to get through it, but like I said.......I have a lOT of work to do.